Why Indeed

Where have I been?

I have been sleeping. and I don't want this to be a bitch blog.

I miss all of you. I get so tired. I am tired of running a fever 24/7. I am tired of having a messy house. I am tired of my neighborhood. I am tired of not living.

I have this wonderful new camera that I have hardly used. I am eager to get out there and use it. I save my energy to get to work and earn a living and go to school to try to earn a better living and find a more satisfying employment.

How do I apologize for being a poor friend, sister, daughter, neighbor, mother, etc. When I do it too much, it sounds like excuses. So I just quit. I just shut up. So I did.

Yes, I am probably depressed, too. Wouldn't you be? So who cares. Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone. Not that I am crying. I really don't have the energy to do that. But on the bright side, I don't have the energy to get too riled about anything. It seems like apathy, but I am just not into a fight or any negative vibes.

So...my dream of having my loved ones with me to see the beauty that I have enjoyed for a few years now is going to have to wait. So Brian's ex is pulling her crap and threatening not to allow her daughter to go with us either. Oh well. So Nick is driving around in a car in my name with no insurance. So what. I am learning. It just isn't worth it.

My house is a mess. So what. My dog seems to be going blind. She will be fine.

When I am on my way to work I see so many things I want to photograph. Someday I will.

I am fine. I am alive. I am just here trying to get through this semester and the next...and get my degree. I am tired. I just need a nap and a vacation.

I'm not too talkative. Kind of quiet. It's okay. I will be back.

Love you all.

A