I suppose a part of me is embarrassed to write about this. I think we all go through it occasionally in our lives.
Depression set in with an overwhelming plop. I am sure much of it is situational, some could be hereditary and some could be seasonal. Grieving the loss of an almost 11 year relationship is tough. Being away from my family and support system is also tough. Having other things at home go wrong is also hard. Pile that on with a smattering of graduate school homework, and I got behind, overwhelmed and more depressed. I try to shield most from it and put on my happy face. But I am glad that I am getting help.
Help consists of a counselor at school who admits I am his oldest client (ever). At least I can joke and say I have to pick my therapist up at daycare. I also made a good attempt at trying to add a booster antidepressant on to my current one. That was laughable - at least I think so. I feel like "the story of my life..." ends up much the way this attempt did. Let me explain...
I finally did the inevitable and asked for something more. The doctor gave me a thorough exam including a neurological exam that left me late for my therapy session. She did not want to prescribe anything without getting my records from Sioux Falls. Oy vey. So I filled out all the requests and she gave me a prescription for a "booster" antidepressant. It was something I had already had so no big deal, or so I thought. She told me to call her if I had any unusual symptoms like heart racing, seizures, etc. I didn't expect anything, but should have known my depression wasn't going to give up that easily...
Within an hour of taking my first booster pill, I became very shaky. Since I wasn't expecting any reaction, I thought it was because I had been out running errands all day without eating. So I ate and tried to lay down. My heart began racing late in the night. I called the dr.'s office that morning and they said she was out all day, but that she usually checks her messages. I began experiencing other symptoms that were scaring me. My muscles were tightening up and I became weak. I was scared. No call. Must be a normal reaction, but this wasn't right. I wasn't going to take another pill.
Two days later I got a call from the doctor. She apologized for not getting back to me. I am guessing she either didn't get or didn't check her messages. By the time she called me, I was experiencing acute agitation and emotional crap. I continued to have symptoms into the weekend. Monday she called again to ask how I was doing and said that she wanted to check my vitals. I told her that I had an appt at the clinic for Wednesday. She said she would see me then.
I waited forever to get in to see the dr. The paper I held that I was supposed to give to the nurse said, BP, nurse check. So, after waiting 25 minutes, I went to the desk and asked if I could just check my blood pressure at Walgreens and call it in. They called up to the nurse and she came immediately. When I did get in to talk to the dr., she informed me that I had experienced serotonin syndrome. When I looked it up on pubmed, it states, "a potentially life threatening drug reaction..." Great. I try not to get too excited about my symptoms, always fearing hypochondria lurking in my depths but I guess I should have acted more quickly. The doctor also informed me that she had a consultation with the nurses there on how I should have been seen immediately for my symptoms. Good to know - NOW!
The good news is that I should be out of the woods. I have an appointment next week so they can do blood work and make sure there is no organ damage. That always makes a person confident in their medical treatment.
So goes the resounding theme in my life. I am down. I signal for help and the big ship that should be coming to my rescue, runs over me. At least I can laugh about it - I think....
