Saturday, October 15, 2011

Fevered Hilarity

I almost called in sick to my doctor's appointment yesterday.  I felt faint and like I was cruising on some form of psychedelic drug.  I was running a fever.  I am on yet my 3rd antibiotic for cough and sinus symptoms.  Yesterday was by far the worst.  Yet I could not sleep.  I got back on Netflix and watched The Man Who Cried.  It had Christina Ricci and Johnny Depp in it.  I watched another movie or two after that. I finally fell asleep in the middle of Moll Flanders and woke up out of a strange dream.  Johnny Depp and I had announced to all our facebook friends that we were expecting our love child.  I laughed so hard when I woke up that I landed in a full coughing fit - followed of course, by a new facebook entry.  

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

The identified client

Sometimes, actually quite often, parents bring their children in for us to "fix".  This is the problem in their family.  This child is causing problems.  In doing in-home therapy I get to see the dynamics.  Especially when their guards are down.  I see the "problem child" getting angry as a reaction to something perfectly understandable.  I see the parents expecting this child to act better than the other children who are far less responsible or vulnerable.  I see the mother refusing to show her daughter respect first, to model the respect she demands from her.  I see the father being annoyed when the "problem child" is talking to him, but perfectly calm when the others talk to him.  I see the defeat in these "problem children"'s eyes.

I see why they are cutting.  And, no, mother of problem child, it isn't to make you mad.  I wish I could shake the parents until their eyes open!  But the parents are committed to their views.  They are right.  Problem child is wrong.  They are good - problem child is bad.  These problem children are stuck.  The good things they do are never good enough.  If they compare their treatment by their parents to the treatment of their siblings, the parents tell them to mind their own business.  Same if they tell on the others. Yet when the tables are turned, the parents are open to the tattling of the siblings on the problem child - because it is congruent to their committed beliefs.

Where can these children go?  What can they do?  I see how hard they try and want to tell them to put blinders on and tread forward towards the good in them.  And I see a lot of good in them.  But I know it won't matter.  Even a therapist cannot help.  The parent is that committed.