Sunday, February 02, 2014

They Will Figure It Out

Last night my dreams were upsetting.  In one dream, I was staying somewhere out of town and the place I was staying landed in rubble.  I barely escaped.  They were able to get my iPhone.  Also in this dream were the destruction of two large metropolitan structures.  Somehow in this dream, no one believed me that all of this had happened, despite the change in the skyline.

When I awoke, I figured it all out.  I am not making correlations to the dream, because I cannot see how they relate, but I found myself objectively seeing what is happening with my friends.  I feel like during the worst part of my employment crisis, my friends were suddenly missing.  My "BFF" was gone.  I know she has been struggling herself with the job and her general busy-ness.  But, there were definite blocks that were not there before.  Almost all at once, my friends were not there for me.

During a recent spat, one "friend" I discovered had lied to the others about me.  This eroded my credibility and my friendship with my BFF.  Since then, there have been so many get-togethers set up and cancelled.  I took it all at face value, because I know with my depression, I tend to erroneously fill in the blanks.  But Saturday was it.  I am in a good place now emotionally and mentally, so realize I am not allowing my depression to fill in the blanks.  I took out my iPhone and scribed a message to my BFF, letting her know that I love her and miss her, but the ball is in her court for getting together with me.  I told her I felt like I had not been taking the hint and no longer wished to pester her.  She has not replied, which hurt, but I realize if the other badmouthing "friend" is doing what I think she is, my fighting back only plays into her game.  I had this happen once before, years ago.  Back then, I could say anything and it was as if no one believed me.  When I stopped fighting back and backed off, the antagonist found another victim and everyone could see what was the antagonist was doing.

So, now I know all I need to do is back off and let it all play out or find new friends.  Meanwhile, I contacted the other victim of the antagonist from years ago and she completely gets it.  She understands how you can feel inherently flawed when one person seemingly turns the world against you.  She is so supportive and understanding and is one person in this world who knows things like this happen.  Why do such friends live so far away?

3 comments:

Horizontal said...

AndeBeast:Sorry for your experiences with the "friend." I have experienced similar things, but I have also found the opposite. People I thought were against me secretly gave me an hand of friendship.

Love you AndeBeast. You are worth knowing. (And I'm totally objective.)

POOKA

The Sioux Falls Phoenix said...

Thanks, Dad. I know I am a worthwhile person. I am glad I am in a good place right now. I will spend my time with other things for now. Hopefully I will get over this sinus crap and be able to read without my eyes hurting!

I love you!
AB

Lefty said...

Lots of love and junk.

E